Thursday, December 24, 2009

Devs! Shut UP Already! (A Holiday Rant)

Every profession has it’s own story. Smugglers are like Han Solo. Bounty Hunters are like Boba Fett. Iconic. Heroic. Complete voice acting. Blah blah blah blah!

Shut up, Bioware developers. Really. I mean, the more you hype your game, the less I want to try it.

Let me break it down for you. The smuggler that I play; the one that I created within the confines of the Star Wars genre, mythos and canon? Yeah, he’s NOT Han Solo. He’s nothing like him beyond the fact that he’s a smuggler by trade.

My bounty hunter? Well… he’s not Boba Fett. Almost the polar opposite.

But I won’t be able to play either of my creations in your game. No, I’ll have to create a close approximation, then listen to my characters story unfold no matter what umbrage I take with the whole ordeal.

And tell me again, just HOW do we chat with other players? Oh… we type? So while the main focus of the game has full voice acting, interactions with other players will be the archaic chat system that we currently have. Sure, THAT will be immersive. I really can’t wait to type to other players about how my Han Solo-esque smuggler just had to dump his cargo because of an Imperial…

Oh wait… THAT players smuggler just had to do the same thing.

Because we’re both smugglers.

Smugglers who are like Han Solo.

And while I’m on the rant, I really am starting to dislike the stylized characters. There is a certain “sameness” about them.

And back to that “total voiceover” crap again… what about aliens? Is there voiceover acting for Hutts? Rodians? Or will aliens just be a side-show; used as a reminder that this is a galaxy, far far away, but with the main focus being centered around the humans.

Oh, oh… and how do we TEAM UP with other professions if the quests are so different for each class? My wife sits 10’ away at her machine. The friggin’ voice over chaos is going to be unbearable, especially if we have to go off on our own individual quest lines. Good lord, is this going to fail, or am I way off target?

So really devs, stop talking. And stop confusing the time periods. It’s, what?, THOUSANDS of years ago, or something? And all we can do is reference Boba Fett, and Darth Vader, Chewbacca, Solo? The Empire? The Alliance? Is this an effort to try to pull in unsuspecting subscriptions? “Join the cause! Fight the Empire! Wait… this doesn’t like right.”

Sure, the game isn’t out. And we keep hearing about how it’ll have all the MMO features that are expected. And how cool it will be. And all about the voice acting.

Here’s a voice I’m tired of hearing: the Bioware developers. Shut up! Your game is going to suck unless you either tell us how it’s an MMO, or just change focus and turn it into a single player game that will kick serious tail.

The take-home message: Shut the hell up!

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